Flow Together In Our Weird Little Sea

Is the title of this blog literally quoting myself from my previous post? You betcha. 

But I wanted to expound on this judgment thing a little more because it is so top of mind lately. So this is a rant. Brace yourself for such. ;)

First, some general points: 

My goal here, if you're still unclear, is never to be disrespectful, intolerant, or passive-aggressive. I purposely don't get into doctrinal issues, this is just the surface stuff, my dears. Just an insider's and an outsider's perspective that I think can apply to everyone. Honestly, this blog is just me processing a lot of stuff! 

But I say this with love: If you are offended by any criticism of church culture, go elsewhere for your bored housewife amateur blog content. 

Being told your whole life you have the whole truth while the rest of the world only has pieces of it gives you a superiority complex. I'm sorry, it does. If you don't think so, it's time for some introspection. And if you still don't think so, good for you, you really are better than everyone (or at least me) and you have my permission to think so. 

We, even subconsciously, put ourselves just a ~littttttle~ higher above literally the whole world! 

I've noticed in the Former Mormon community there is still this arbitrary self-sorting mechanism based on your reasons for leaving. How dumb! But I definitely did it. 

A few months ago I sat with my best friend as she got her first tattoo. The tattoo artist was also a former member so we connected and dished on our journeys. 

"I've just researched church history so much and I'm not sure what to do about it but you know I'm just really blessed that I'm not one of the angry ones." I actually said out loud. Ugh. 

What I was really saying: 

"I'm leaving because I researched for almost a year and was incredibly conflicted, sad, and wrestling until I had to make a decision. I didn't just stop reading my scriptures or just get lazy and not want to go to church. I'm not angry or anti, anger has no room in my life because I'm hella chill all the time. Angry people are dumb. also, I haven't even tried alcohol."  

I'm just a ~litttttle~ better than you. 

Self-ick.

I wanted and still do sometimes, to distance myself from this "lazy learners" group and to make sure people knew I was in the tier of your more researched quitters. And then even further by not wanting to come off as the stereotypical angry ex-Mormon. The women in that tattoo studio were angry. And I was not better than them. 

My friend recently reached out to me when she found out about my faith transition to offer support and share her experience. She had a tough story! She was in the trenches of her decision for a long time and I had no idea. I just thought she wanted to live a different lifestyle. I just thought she got lazy and lost her faith. "Another one bites the dust."

I know of another person who wouldn't touch coffee for several years because he knew if someone caught him, they would think that was the reason he left. Can you imagine censoring yourself for fear of judgment from a group of people with whom you no longer identify? Even worse: can you imagine assuming someone decided to give up their lifelong, beloved religion for BEAN WATER???

I'm here to tell you, no one decides to casually undertake a cultural, identity, existential, faith crisis. It's anything but easy and it's anything but lazy. And almost neverrrrrrrrr has anything whatsoever to do with beverage choices.  Let me take a second to be blunt: Members need to slaughter that stereotype and practice a little more Christ-like sympathy for their brothers and sisters who have left the church. 

Here is my Samuel the Lamanite on the wall moment: Everyone's reasons for leaving or staying are incredibly valid and personal and hard. Staying and leaving requires sacrifice. We're all just doing our freaking best! 

Leave, stay. Research, don't research. Be angry, be sad, be happy. Let's just stop othering each other, love one another, assume and judge infinitely less, 

and flow together in our weird little sea. 

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